“Nice guys always finish last” is an old cliché that has been proven untrue many times. There are many guys who are genuinely “nice guys” and are either in happy committed relationships, or have no problem at all finding success with the ladies. Ask nearly any woman, and she’ll tell you that being a gentleman who knows how to treat a lady will definitely help a man gain plenty of points. However, the cliché of nice guys losing out on women is actually true sometimes. This doesn’t happen because women prefer “bad boys” or because being a gentleman is out of style, but rather because there are nice guys who fail when it comes to properly communicating with and capturing the interest of the women they want to be with. Here are 3 actions that can actually cause nice guys to finish last.
- Being overly concerned/ Showing Insincere Interest Too Early
Showing that you truly care for someone by showing concern for their well being and being interested into their goals and dreams is a very important part of any relationship. It shows that you’re a non-selfish person who is truly emotionally invested in your partner. However, there is a time for all of this, and doing all of it too much and too early can lead to the complete opposite of the desired effect. Too many guys barely get past the dating/ “getting to know you” phase before they start to take on the role of the overly concerned and/or super supportive boyfriend. Don’t get me wrong, it’s okay to be the person who calls just to see how someone’s day is going and be the good listener early on. However, most guys take it a step too far. You shouldn’t be the guy who gives holy praise and calls for celebration to the girl who just made a B+ on an open book exam. You definitely don’t want to be the guy who makes the woman you’ve been on two dates with promise you multiple times that she’ll take some Nyquil, put on vapor rub and bundle up just because she mentioned that she’s catching a little bit of a cold. Whether you genuinely care for her that much already, it’ll come across as being either A) extremely insincere, or B) show just how clingy you could be if things ever got serious.
2. Bringing Up Just How Much of A “Nice Guy” You Are
Another thing that causes a woman to question how sincere you are is actually bringing up how much of a “good guy” you are to her. Although the idea of a woman taking a man’s kindness for weakness and using him, or putting him into the “friend zone” is a fear amongst men, it’s fairly easy to tell whether a woman is truly interested in you. The quickest way to make a woman lose interest is to bring up just how nice you are to her. If you’re a good listener, and you let her vent for an hour about her day and she mentions how she “talked your ears off”, simply reply “Hey, no problem”. Don’t be the guy who says “Well, a good man is SUPPOSED to be a good listener right?”. That’s a scenario that can be applied to many situations. Say for instance that you’ve been on 4 dates, and you’re ready to just hang out at her place instead of going out. The right way is to go about that is to ask her if she is comfortable with you coming to her place, and state what you’re purpose is to set something up. Seriously, don’t be that guy who says “I think I’ve taken you on enough dates to earn a night cap”. While some of you reading this might think it’s common sense not to say that, you’d be surprised by the lack of subtlety and patience in a lot of guys. The main point is that if you don’t want to spend money on dates (especially expensive dinners or trips), loan money, or do favors, THEN DON’T DO IT. Definitely don’t do the favors and instantly expect something in return, or go as far as to tell her this expectation. If you’re doing this while trying to be show her you’re a nice guy, you’ll fail miserably because nice guys do nice things and show that they are gentleman. They don’t spend money and do favors to tally up an “ass tax” on women. This shows a woman that you are insincere.
3. Trying To Give Yourself More “Edge”
If you believe that nice guys finish last, then more than likely you also believe that “bad boys” always have more success with the ladies. Not only is that not true, but guys who are actually considered “bad boys” often have more to their personality than simply having a dark side that attracts women. Therefore, trying to give yourself more “edge” and acting tough in order to gain the attention of women is not only futile in the dating world, but a bad look when it comes to being on a grown man level. Almost every woman can see through to fake edge and faux “bad boy” persona. Instead of being seen as true to life bad boy, looked at as cool, or at least seen as the nice guy who has a little bit of a dark side, an intelligent woman will see you as being goofy and attention starved. Just be yourself and loosen up. If you’re the clean, humble guy who can still tell and laugh at a raunchy joke or two, it will show. If you’re the guy who is soft spoken, but strong and brave enough to stand up for himself, women will show. Trying to purposely change your personality to lose the nice guy stigma only results in you looking like a fool in the eyes of a woman who knows what she wants.
Overall, just being a genuine person who understands the value of space and time will be the best formula for dating these days. Never compromise your integrity for what you think will attract a female and always have her best interests at heart. Women love a gentleman, especially one secure in his stance and unapologetic about his swag, whether a nice guy or bad boy.