Jumping Back Into The Dating Game: Three Pieces of Advice

Living the single life and successfully dating can often be tougher than many would imagine. This can be even harder for those who have gone an extended period outside of the dating scene. Whether you’re someone who chose not to pursue a relationship in order to focus on your career, just got out of a long term relationship, or a divorcee who hasn’t been “out on the town” since you began your previous marriage, jumping back into the dating scene is definitely rough. However, taking these three things into consideration can definitely make your return to the dating scene go much smoother.

1) NO RUSH! NO PRESSURE! Fotolia_29011101_Subscription_Monthly_M

When someone has been single for a long time, or has ended long term relationship, there is often a sense of pressure from friends and family (as well as a sort of self induced panic) when it comes to finding that special someone to settle down with or simply get back into the dating scene. This is especially true for those who are in their 30’s or older, particularly black women. For the past few years, many magazines, blogs and TV show’s have ran with topics and questions such as “Why are so many black women single?” or “Is it harder for successful black women to find a healthy relationship?”. I’m here to tell you now, DON’T FALL FOR THE PROPAGANDA! Don’t worry about the misguided attempt to root for you by friends and family members either for that matter. There’s no need to rush, or question yourself if it takes a little time to get back in the swing of things or simply become comfortable with the dating world once again. Rushing into things and over-thinking when it comes to how long you may still be single may cause you to either settle, or turn certain suitors off.

2) Think Outside The Club!

What comes to mind when you think about the average nightclub? A building packed with hot single people that are ready to mingle, good music, and enough drinks to bring out the charm and boldness of everyone. Sounds like the perfect place to meet other single people, right? Well, for some people it may not be as good as it sounds. Don’t get me wrong, a good nightclub with the right environment can absolutely be a great place to meet potential dates, but you must know whether it’s really for you. When frequenting nightclubs, are you more likely to find those looking to seriously date, those who are looking for something short term, or simply have a good time for that night (whether that involves taking someone home or not)? If you’re a 30 something year old who is established and looking for someone who is equally established career wise, you have to understand that certain nightclubs consist of the early 20’s crowd. Now, if you can find that perfect nightclub where established single professionals mingle, then more power to you; however, you may find more luck by thinking outside the box. If you live in a large city (Atlanta for example), there is no shortage of events and venues that offer something different. Comedy clubs, poetry open mics, singles mixers, and almost anything you can think of awaits you and like minded singles. You may even be able to find someone special by simply choosing events and venues that cater to your specific hobbies.

3) Understanding Exactly What You’re Looking For

When it’s been a while since you’ve been in the dating scene, having a real understanding of what you want is extremely important. It’s not only important for you, but important for your potential love interests. Just going with the flow can make things go smoothly, but when you’re relationship goals (both short term and long term) contradict each other, things can go bad. The last thing you want is to invest yourself emotionally into someone because you’re looking to get into something serious after being out of the dating scene for a long time, while the other person is looking to just have fun and hang loose after years of focusing on their career or being in a marriage/ long term relationship. Understand that those are the two main mindsets of people who are just getting back into the dating scene, and if you’re likely to find people who are in the same boat as you. If you’re jumping back into the dating scene, then communication, honesty and understanding is important to making sure that nobody’s time gets wasted.



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